I'm Back
When I moved to Cabo in Oct 2017, not really knowing a soul save one person, I approached it the same as I had every vacation over the past 20 years to the same locale: I LOVED IT!!
Blue water! Suuuunnny days! Relaxation and peace! All the things money can’t buy!!
But after almost a year of globetrotting from this country to that, I was nearly broke. With no desire to return to accounting in any form and with no clear idea what was to happen next, within a few weeks, I was working my first gig in timeshare sales which, everybody said, was the fastest way to make great money in a resort town like this one. Around the same time, those same everybodys told me something no recently-relocated-dream-came-true expat wants to hear: “Yeah…after a while you don’t even see the ocean or notice the sunrises and flowers and shit.”
WHAT?!?!
This was the dream!! To live in a beautiful place that is sunny practically year-round and have FINALLY figured out a way to make a living there and quit the terror that is corporate life in urban America! It’s THE THING that most of us universally agree would be the recipe for near-constant gratitude and appreciation each day just BECAUSE! And here these no-nothing, unappreciative, CLEARLY DELUSIONAL killjoys were trying to rain on my parade. That might be their story, but it wouldn’t be mine. I thought.
Fast forward a few months and I’m struggling to find a reason to acknowledge the gorgeous sunrises that greeted me each morning as I rushed to the daily 7am meeting that my bosses routinely started at 7:20am…unless they randomly started it at 6:45am. The salt spray – the scent of which used to throw me into orgasmic convulsions of pure pleasure with each breeze – was now a nuisance because it frizzed my hair and disintegrated my leather. The chirping birds took on the sound of so much background traffic noise and their beseeching song fell on my deafened ears; unheard and unloved.
I was stressed out learning a new commission-only business that was dependent on the whims of those in power and the appetites of a global vacationing community with more choices than it’s ever had before. Days came and went as I sank into the minutiae of life.
It had happened. The sour word of these timeshare prophets had come true. The chaos of my day – the chaos of my mind – had overwhelmed uncanny beauty all around. It suddenly didn’t matter if I was steps away from a beach or drowning in the concrete jungles of Los Angeles. The issue wasn’t what was going on around me. The issue was what was going on within me. My mind was choked with the cares of this life – just as it had been before my great escape – and I was in danger of becoming the same version of myself I thought I had left behind.
Ultimately, timeshare sales was not the cash waterfall I’d been led to believe it would be (salespeople can’t stop selling and I had some good ones selling me on that idea..lol!) and I opted to do some work in my more lucrative field of accounting and entertainment business management after about a year, but the damage was done. I’d be washing the dishes or taking out the trash or going to the grocery store and not once notice the sparkle on the nearby ocean or the sweet scent of freshly-budded cacti all around. Cabo was ruined for me forever. I thought…but maybe not.
Today, I took a few extra minutes to close my eyes, drink a hot drink, and listen to the playful banter of nearby sparrows while the light breeze lilted around my hair and brushed against my skin…reminding me of the unmatched feel of being caressed by calm. I touched the spikes of a nearby cactus and watched the sun play peekaboo with the lingering clouds from a passing storm.
I realized in that moment that I could be anywhere – I could be doing anything – and still be doing this (well…maybe not the cactus part). That it wasn’t about location. It was about learning and retraining myself to bring the quiet forward. Practicing being in the present now. Being deliberate about pushing the noise and clamor back. Actively pursuing and listening for the voice of God and…breathing. So I stood and breathed.
Gratitude and a delicious drop in stress competed to bestow the first gifts as a smile started lifting the corners of my mouth. My soul began to stir in response and I opened my eyes. There they were – the ocean, flowers and the sunrise and shit again. They hadn’t gone anywhere.
But I was back.
You can’t always control the chaos around you but you can puuuulll yourself BACK every time by not allowing your mind to call all the shots. Decisively carve out some minutes today to tap into your spirit. Smell, hear, taste, and touch your surroundings and breathe. When things get quiet, ask the questions that are uppermost on your heart and then listen. Sometimes your answer will come right away and sometimes it may come as you move on from this peaceful moment. Either way, know this: when you tap in – when you get quiet – there will be answers. There will be calm. And you, too, will be back.